'You just aren't compatible': 21-year-old cat mom's 23-year-old boyfriend demands she get rid of her cat of 7 years because he puts his claws on the counter and sleeps in her bed

Author image for Blake Seidel
Blake Seidel • Managing Editor & Brand Manager
Oct 8, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

When they say "it's my way or the highway", you know that they're going to be trouble. Relationships are all about communication and compromise. Rarely does one part of the purrtnership ever get 100% their way. Especially when it comes to them making demands about our precious fur babies.

We let our cats go everywhere except the kitchen counters, and even then, they still manage to get up there when they think we won't notice. It's their house too, and we believe that they should enjoy it to its fullest. Plus, we honestly don't sleep as well if they're not snuggled up next to us. Not everyone gets it. Some people are light sleepers and can't sleep with too much movement in the bed, and others just don't like the cat hair on the blankets. That's fine, but that doesn't mean we have to think it's unsanitary.

And here's where it all comes to a screeching halt: when one purrson makes an ultimatum about their partner's cats, we say a very polite, "no thank you" and walk away. It means that we're simply not compatible, and that's okay, but you can't ask them to change, and they won't unless they want to. You also shouldn't change if you don't want to because it's your life and they're your pets.

One ultimatum will lead to another, and you don't want to go down that road. See what happens with this ultimatum-inducing boyfriend below when he tries to force his girlfriend to give up her cats because he thinks they're unsanitary.

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  • 01

    Am I [wrong] for letting my cat on the counters

    Orange cat in chef hat including 'Asking someone to get rid of a pet is [...] a red flag'
    via Изображения пользователя Svetlana Rey

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Okay so, I (21F) and dating this guy (23M), we'll call him Gerald. I also have a cat, I adopted her when she was maybe 5 weeks old and her mother cast her from the litter, about 7 years ago. She's always been allowed on counters and tables, and she
    via fairietale_wonder
  • 03
    sleeps in bed with me. I believe that cats should be allowed to go wherever they please in the house, as it's their home too. But my boyfriend and I are discussing getting a place together soon and he told me I need to either get rid of the cat
    via fairietale_wonder
  • 04
    or train her to stay off the counters/table/bed, because he believes it's unsanitary. I bathe the cat once a month, brush her daily, and she's an inside only cat (minus a few walks, in her car stroller). Opinions?
    via fairietale_wonder
  • 05
    Woman on computer with orange cat in her lap
    via Foremniakowski

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    MistressJacklynHyde You two are not compatible. I love my cats, they sleep in bed with me, but they will not and do not go on counters. At all. ESPECIALLY where I cook.
    via MistressJacklynHyde
  • 07
    Remote-Cellist5927 You just aren't compatible sharing a life. This is one of those stages people realize they can't continue.
    via Remote-Cellist5927

  • Sure, some non-cat people can be converted into cat lovers, but it's always just easier if two cat lovers fall in love. Then, they can both fawn over their cute kitties and continue to build their feline family with the same feline-friendly values and expectations of how their home should look.

  • 08
    loveyou-first I agree with the comments below, you two are not compatible. I wouldn't date a person whose cat is on counters that we place food on. I'm with your boyfriend it's unsanitary. However, there are so many people think it's OK. You can find one.
    via loveyou-first
  • 09
    No_Base_3135 Growing up my cats were not allowed on kitchen counters/dining room table/where the food was. They were always allowed on couches, beds, etc.
    via No_Base_3135
  • 10
    But NAH - people have different cleanliness standards and/or have different feelings about their pets. You may not be aligned in those ways but I don't think it makes either of you an ahle.
    via No_Base_3135
  • 11
    Orange cat lying on couch
    via Yana Gavriloski

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    DAGanteakz Find a cat guy and let your cat do whatever in it's own home. You and your cat set your own path.
    via DAGanteakz
  • 13
    Every-Pepper77 NAH Personally, I think it's very unsanitary to allow cats on dining tables and counters. Their feet aren't particularly clean (yes, cats lick their feet, but not all day long) and they
    via Every-Pepper77

  • We say let her live the way she wants to live. We're sure she knows she needs to clean the counters before and after her cat is on there, she doesn't live under a rock. To that point, we all do a lot of “unsanitary” things every day. Fur example, do you touch your phone with your bare hands? When was the last time you sanitized that? Yeah, we thought so.

  • 14
    shed a lot, which gets hair all over food and food prep areas. It's just gross IMO. However, most cat owners have their cats curl up with them in bed, so that's going to be a tough one. Maybe a compromise: no counters/tables, but yes bed?
    via Every-Pepper77
  • 15
    knitlikeaboss NTA but you aren't compatible Anyone who even suggests getting rid of a pet is out the door. That's an unforgivable thing to ask.
    via knitlikeaboss
  • 16
    MerryTWatching A lot of people are chiming in with opinions on whether cats should be on counters and tables. I have always shooed my cats off these surfaces, but am willing to bet that they are up there a lot while I am out of the house. And the cat hair is everywhere, people, even if the cats aren't.
    via MerryTWatching
  • 17
    Regarding the BF's statement, he suggested that you dump your cat for the privilege of living with him. Walk away from him like a dropped popsicle, honey, or find that every decision that you two have to make together will come with conditions/demands.
    via MerryTWatching
  • 18
    mocha_lattes_ Stop bathing your cat once a month. They clean themselves and it's not good for their coat or skin to be washed so much. Rest is irrelevant. You two aren't compatible. The second a guy says to get rid of a beloved
    via mocha_lattes_
  • 19
    family member then he isn't the one. Also letting cats on your counters IS gross. They step in litter that they pee and in then track that onto your counters. At this point you won't be able to stop your cat even if you wanted to though. They are
    via mocha_lattes_
  • 20
    stubborn creatures and will just do it when you are gone. Stop bathing your cat so much, break up with the guy, sanitize your counters before ever using them. NTA
    via mocha_lattes_
  • 21
    Approp... I have 6 cats and my original 3 never went on my counters. My last 3 just threw all those rules out the window. And I know it's gross to some people because I used to think so too. I just wipe the countertops before and after I cook. But it seems like you two are just not compatible
    via Appropriate_Sky_6571
  • 22
    DuckDuck-Chaos NTA, it's reasonable to let your cat go wherever you're comfortable with a cat being. It's also reasonable to not want a cat on the counter/table/bed. Forgive me for being crude, but cats step in their own fees and
    via DuckDuck-Chaos
  • 23
    don't wash their feet with soap. Anywhere a cat walks they're tracking matter. No judgement on you and your comfort level with this. But if and your bf can't come to a reasonable compromise you you
    via DuckDuck-Chaos
  • 24
    probably shouldn't move in together. Getting a 7 year old cat to change its habits won't be a quick change. I have a hair mister full of water that I used to train my cats to stay off of counters and not eat the house plants. It's been pretty effective but they were babies when I did that.
    via DuckDuck-Chaos
  • 25
    Asking someone to get rid of a pet is also a bit of a red flag. Anytime a partner gives an ultimatum about giving up something you love is a red flag. I don't know the circumstances in which he asked you to get rid of your pet, but I'd recommend looking back on the relationship to see if there were other places he asked you to give up pieces of yourself.
    via DuckDuck-Chaos

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boyfriend cat mom moving in relationships sleep claws Cats animals relationship drama
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